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Wednesday, December 7, 2011

I'm Selfish Sometimes...

My parents left for a trip abroad on Saturday. They are off to see London, Paris, Barcelona and have a few more stops in between. I am incredibly excited for them. This is their first trip outside the US that hasn't been an island in the Caribbean. However...

I am the baby of my family. I am the only girl in my family. I am VERY close to my parents. I can have some very greedy thoughts in my head at times about them never dying and not only seeing my girls' children but their children too.

My parents at my wedding reception
If I don't want them to ever die...imagine how I feel about them taking a fifteen day world tour right before Christmas. I know it is selfish. I'm not proud of the way I feel but this is the first Christmas season that I have not been working in years and I imagined it so differently.

I pictured sneaking the girls' out of school early for a "dentist appointment" and baking cookies all day at my parents' house while my dad searched for the girls' favorite shows/movies on the TV in the background. ( girls weren't there but my mom and I had a day of baking to get me ready for my very first cookie exchange.)

The cookies my mom & I made
I dreamed of shopping store after with my mom by my side. We would ooh & ahh over clothes for Ash & Bean. We would spot a toy and in a hurried voice say, "Grab that! Ash or Bean would love it!". We would stop for lunch & catch up on life. After recharging we would hit more stores. (Note...we did get one day in before they left but having the one day together made me want more. Told you, I'm selfish.)

Littlest Pet Shop
The girls' favorite!!
I thought about heading to the Christmas Shop that is over an hour away with Chris, Ash & Bean along with my parents to stare at aisle after aisle of decorated themed Christmas trees. I love watching my parents' faces over the girls' excitement more than I do looking at the trees. ( parents took the girls to this very Christmas Shop while Chris and I were in Key West and the girls were staying with them.)
artificial trees
Pre-lit tree section at our favorite Christmas Shop.
(They don't show photos of their decorated ones on their
website unfortunately.)
I envisioned the pride on my parents' faces while Ash had her winter violin & chorus programs. (Note...They asked me to capture it all on film to show them when they get back.)

Ash at her spring violin concert
All of the above makes me selfish. I should be grateful I still have both of my parents in my life and in my girls' lives. I should be thankful that even though the things I had planned happening in my head...all happened, just not in the way that I planned. I should be saying to my friends, "I hope my parents are having a blast! I am so excited for them to be able to do this!", without a "but I really miss them right now during the holiday season and wish they would have gone at another time." right behind it.

So, until they get back I am going to try my best to push the selfish feelings aside and pray that they have an amazing time, see wonderful new things, share lots of love and laughter and come home with lots of memories. (Of course, the first place I want them to stop after touching US soil is my house, with me...because I'm selfish like that!)

I'm linking up with Shell at Things I Can't Say for Pour Your Heart (aka #PYHO on Twitter) and Love Links.

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At December 7, 2011 at 9:35 AM , Blogger Shell said...

I think it's so sweet that you have such a close relationship with your parents. Not selfish, just loving.

At December 7, 2011 at 9:45 AM , Blogger Grumpy Grateful Mom said...

I'm the only daughter in my family too. I think my relationship with my parents is a little different than my brothers. My parents are out of state, but I've been trying to get them to move closer!

I don't think anyone else loves my kids like they do, except for my husband and myself of course. :)

And I don't think wanting your parents to be around for the Christmas season is selfish at all! That time is filled with so many memories.

Hopefully they have a safe and fun trip!

At December 7, 2011 at 10:32 AM , Blogger Sara said...

That's so sweet! I have a relationship like that with my mom and my siblings, I want them to be a part of everything and when they leave me for family dinner or something I just want them back! I can't wait for A to be bigger so I can make cookies with her and go places and have her interested and enjoying it!

At December 7, 2011 at 11:52 AM , Blogger Robbie K said...

I don't blame you one bit for wanting them there to create Christmas memories with you and your family. My parents are getting older and struggle with some health issues & I can't help but think "what if this is our last Thanksgiving/Christmas/birthday dinner together?

At December 7, 2011 at 11:59 AM , Blogger Carolyn said...

Sounds like a nice relationship you have with your parents.
I have a similar close one and it is hard to watch them age :( so I try to tell them close to everyday how much I love them.

At December 7, 2011 at 12:07 PM , Blogger Erin said...

It just sounds like you are human like the rest of us. :-). Nothing wrong in my opinion with wanting to spend time with your loved ones. I hope your parents have a safe and wonderful trip. Maybe put together a show where the girls present their experiences while they were abroad and they can do the same to share their trip.

At December 7, 2011 at 6:49 PM , Blogger Maren said...

I don't think it's selfish. You love them, and love being with them. If anything it's a blessing that you have them around and that you are so close. :)

At December 7, 2011 at 7:43 PM , Anonymous Making It Work Mom said...

I totally have a case of the selfish this season as well. My parents live in South Carolina while we live in Massachusetts, but they do come and spend several days with us over Christmas - it is my most favorite time of the year. We have so many traditions and fun things we do.
This year we are meeting my parents in Disney World right after Christmas so they decided not to make the Christmas trip. And I am feeling all kinds of sad about it now that it is almost Christmas. I know I should be grateful because we are so fortunate to be going to do Disney and really grateful that my parents are able to share this with us, but what I really want for Christmas is for my mom to call me on the 23rd and tell me that they decided to come to our house anyway!

At December 13, 2011 at 12:13 PM , Blogger Motherhood Truth said...

I don't think it's selfish. I would be the same way. Although I am pretty sure I would be on the phone with my mom yelling "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" haha. It's okay to be happy for them and have a but at the end. They are your parents and you want to hold onto them. I see NOTHING wrong.

At December 13, 2011 at 12:28 PM , Blogger Momma Teacher Lady said...

It's great that you are so close with your parents. Cherish it!

At December 13, 2011 at 10:38 PM , Blogger Kindred Adventures said...

I can completely relate. My dad lives with us and helps us. I am thankful for every extra minute I get with him. I adored him when I was little and we still get along great and I adore him now. Also, whenever my little sister and I get together for a girls night I never want to end. I enjoy her company so very much and we always have so much fun. Sounds like you were able to squeeze in a little bit of time... hard to wait. I understand that. -Laverne

At December 14, 2011 at 12:26 AM , Blogger Alison@Mama Wants This said...

It's lovely that you are so close to your parents, and it's not selfish to think those things. I hope they have a fab time too!

At December 14, 2011 at 9:52 PM , Anonymous Laura@Catharsis said...

Not selfish. Nothing to be ashamed of in having a good relationship with any family. And I'm jealous of their trip!

At December 15, 2011 at 12:48 AM , Blogger THE SARCASM GODDESS said...

It's not selfish! It's great that you have such a close relationship with your parents. I would feel exactly the same as you with mine if they were gone.

At December 15, 2011 at 7:05 AM , Blogger January Dawn said...

That's awesome that not only are your parents close by but that you all get along so well. You are very lucky! And not selfish at all. ;)

At December 15, 2011 at 5:10 PM , Blogger NayLahKnee LahKnee said...

Awwwww! no worries mama, that is an awesome gift to have a relationship like that with your parents!


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