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Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Missing The Moments...

When I resigned from work last April it was because I had let my career take over most of my life. I never turned my phone off. I answered emails at all hours of the day, seven days a week. I take full blame for not prioritizing things and putting my family first.

Some of you may not believe this but I never wanted children. I wasn't that teenage girl you called up to cover you on a Saturday night to watch your kids so you could get a break. I was the girl who understood why you need the break. I knew way back then that kids were a handful.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't mean I didn't like kids but I didn't seek them out to play with them or keep them entertained at big gatherings. It was never a natural thing like I see it can be with so many teenagers.

So, as I matured and thought about my life, I decided that I didn't think children were going to be a part of it. I never felt the warm fuzzies when seeing a newborn or the baby clothes in the stores. You never heard an "Awww, that is sooo cute!" escape from my mouth.

Then I fell in love (true love) for the first time. I was dating a wonderful guy who was really good with kids. He would put them on his knee and played "Buckin' Bronco". You know, where you hold the kids by their hands and bounce them on your knee. He would tickle them and make them laugh. He would chase them and make them squeal with delight. It got me thinking that maybe I was missing out on something.

Then I met and fell in love with my husband. The very first time I saw him work through the nervousness his 3 year old niece was having from not seeing him very much (they lived 9 hours away from each other) and winning her over...I was sold. I trusted this man enough to help balance what I was lacking in kid skills. I knew the two of us could be a team and raise happy and very loved children.

Somehow, I just always thought my career would come first though. I know, not the best plan but I had 24 years in of thinking I would never have children. I loved working. I loved bringing home a paycheck. I loved knowing I could do things on a project that no one could do quite the same. I loved having a start and an end date. I loved having annual performance reviews. I never thought that it would be any different...

Until I realized that I was missing the moments. The moments that turn into hours. The hours that turn into days. The days that turn into weeks. The weeks that turn into years. I was truly missing them.


They were happening right in front of me but I was too busy, too stressed and too focused on work that I let them go right by me with barely a notice.

When I resigned, I promised I wouldn't let that happen again.

I have though. I have turned this very computer that I am typing on right now as a distraction to those moments. At first, I had the excuse of, "Well, I am blogging about some of the moments." Then I used the excuse of, "Well, I need to grow my followers and then I can cut back." Now, though...I have realized that I have tried to turn blogging into my career when it isn't.

I will never make any money off of this blog. I will never turn any of my writing into the next bestseller. I will never be invited and sponsored to a blog conference. I will just continue to be a very small fish in a very large blog pond.

I have to find my happy with that. I started this blog with the best intentions. I started it to share who I am, to make some new friends, to find a creative outlet.

I just can't let it lead me to missing anymore moments.

My plan for that...to just write as me, to write when only inspiration finds me, to remember that this blog is supposed to be about fun and not about work.

I'm not going to disappear from the blogging world. I imagine I will still be here 2-3 times a week and for the first time in a while...I imagine sitting here at this computer with a true smile on my face.

Thank you to everyone who supports me on this blog. I have never once regretted a single post or reply to a comment that I have ever taken the to write. I only regret that is that I didn't prioritize better. I hope that you will see the change in me and my writing very soon.

Labels:

23 Comments:

At February 29, 2012 at 9:05 AM , Blogger llawlor said...

You are such a driven mom and woman- I love it! That is a double edged sword though, right? Hard balance between work and life as a mom...I feel it too. Everyday I struggle to fit work in and have time to "play", cook, and clean. I have to believe that I made the right choice and keep striving for that balance:)

 
At February 29, 2012 at 9:06 AM , Blogger llawlor said...

Oh and I ADORE that picture!!!!

 
At February 29, 2012 at 9:09 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You did it again, I'm so proud of you! Your head and your heart are on the right path. Your the BEST!!!

 
At February 29, 2012 at 9:56 AM , Blogger marie said...

I am so happy for you. I completely understand what you are feeling and you are right to take back your time and your life and use it however it best suits your family. Blogging should be fun not stressful. Blog when you want, about what you want and comment or don't when you want. I love that you have come to this place.

 
At February 29, 2012 at 10:13 AM , Anonymous OneMommy said...

You sounded a bit like me - as a teen I never thought I'd have kids. Babies never had me thinking - "Oh!"

Funny how all that changes.

You are right, those moments fly by and suddenly years are gone. Sometimes I have felt like my blog has taken some time away - the past few days of sick kida and only using the computer at night have let me see that I really don't need to sit on here during the day.

Go enjoy your kids!

 
At February 29, 2012 at 10:25 AM , Anonymous Kim @ Illusion of Sanity said...

I, too, have felt that way. I'm proud of you for acknowledging it! I realized I had reached that point when I began to grumble when the kids interrupted my time on the computer. I've blogged less, and posted less on Facebook...but I've enjoyed the extra moments with my kids.

It's very brave of you to post about this!!! Such an honest post. :)

 
At February 29, 2012 at 10:34 AM , Blogger Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

The second it becomes more like work and less like fun then you know you're due for some changes. I'm glad you're finding the balance that works for you and gives you the best of both worlds.

But just for the record, you could make money from your blog and go to conferences, etc. but only if you wanted it. It's completely possible, but it has to be what you want.

 
At February 29, 2012 at 10:35 AM , Blogger Robbie K said...

Finding balance is such a challenge. It is great to go back to why you started doing this in the first place. I too have had to take a few steps back now and again to remember why I do this and to not allow it to take over my life. As long as you promise not to disappear on me!

 
At February 29, 2012 at 10:43 AM , Blogger Erin said...

Kristen,

I admire you. It takes great courage and bravery to admit when we need to change things for the better. I completely understand about finding the right balance, which I try to work on every day. I have been just as guilty of putting work before family, but life has definitely taught me a valuable lesson that family should come first.

Just know I will keep reading your post as you become inspired. Many hugs to you for inspiring us all to do the right thing.

Erin

 
At February 29, 2012 at 1:18 PM , Blogger Christine said...

I found your blog through the Pour Your Heart Out link up and I'm glad that I came upon this post. I can completely identify with what you've written, everything from the not wanting kids to the career and quitting work to spend time with family to blogging. I quit my job last Feb for many of the same reasons and now freelance so that I can spend more time with my family and I started blogging initially for me. But my priorities have become out of whack too, especially as since I've started blogging more regularly, constantly on my computer or checking my phone. Like you, I am trying to find the right balance. It's hard but comforting to know that there are others who are experiencing the same thing.

 
At February 29, 2012 at 1:44 PM , Blogger MrsJenB said...

It IS all about prioritizing, you're so right. Amazing how quickly we can become accustomed to a certain way of life - in other words, the blogger's way of life. To anyone else it looks ridiculous. To us it becomes normal. But it's not, at least not in most cases, when we're missing life for the sake of our blogs.

You do what you need to do for you and your family. Those who love you online will still be here.

 
At February 29, 2012 at 2:04 PM , Blogger Jenn and Casey said...

Big hugs to you. I'm glad you aren't leaving completely, but I totally get wanting to tune back in fully and not miss the moments. You're in my thoughts <3

 
At February 29, 2012 at 2:06 PM , Blogger Missy | Literal Mom said...

It is definitely a balance. And stepping back once in awhile is really important. For perspective and mental health breaks. :)

 
At February 29, 2012 at 2:40 PM , Blogger JDaniel4's Mom said...

You are so wise. Moments with JDaniel are flying by. I can't believe how old he is getting.

I agree with Liz you could make money with your blog. I love your writing.

 
At February 29, 2012 at 3:56 PM , Blogger Shell said...

It's very easy to get priorities out of whack. I know I let mine. One of the good takeaways from this weekend's conference(which btw, is not invite only, most conferences are for whoever wants to go), is that we are going to disappoint people b/c we can't do it all. And sometimes, that has to be the people in our computers, b/c we have to deal with IRL stuff first.

 
At February 29, 2012 at 10:40 PM , Blogger Heather said...

I think it is so hard as a blogger initially because you see all these great things happening and you want to be so many great things, but it is soooooo time consuming.

I think we all reach that moment when we have to dial it back.

I will be here reading every post you do put up :)

 
At March 1, 2012 at 12:27 AM , Blogger Kristen said...

You really are my soul sister. I never really wanted kids either. And I don't really like them. I always joked that I just wanted to be a grandparent. :) but here we are. And I'm missing some now too. I haven't given up on the dream of hitting it big - but I realize what a long shot that would be. *sigh* Right now I'm really angry with MIXIE for causing me to miss moments. I think that is my biggest hang up. I'm happy for you - your priorities are - just perfect. xo. The other Kristen.

 
At March 1, 2012 at 7:32 AM , Blogger Jennifer said...

I think when we have that thing inside us that makes us want to be more it is very hard to turn it off. It took me a long time to learn that my job is just a job. I traded my career for kids. Not all women have to do that or need to do that, but I did. I totally get all of this and struggle with it all the time.

 
At March 1, 2012 at 4:01 PM , Anonymous Galit Breen said...

I love how reflective you are about this. Stepping back, focusing in, we all need to be reminded of these things - and once we're able to do so, we're better for it in every part of our lives.

(You're going to be great! Just remember to be kind to you!)

 
At March 1, 2012 at 4:51 PM , Blogger Arnebya said...

I remember being indifferent about having kids. I knew early on that I wouldn't have one until my mid-20s at least. I had no desire whatsoever when friends were in high school with infants or having children right after graduation. I can't imagine life without them, no, but I recognize all I went through to get to this point, all the changes, all the decisions. This is why I respect your decision to constantly put your family first. I try my best (I think we all do) but there are times when the computer, the smartphone, a book, something else distracts me from them. And like you, I try to see those times before they get out of hand and take back control. So, bravo to you for seeing it, acknowledging it, and wanting to change it.

 
At March 1, 2012 at 5:34 PM , Blogger Recovering Supermom said...

From your comment on my post before, I think we may be kindred spirits in the perfectionism. I know I have felt deep down that I want to do everything I can to blog perfectly. And as much as I would like writing to be my career, it isn't right now, and I also have to set limits for myself to help find a good balance between writing for joy and being there for my family. Your post is a good reminder for me. I'll always look forward to reading your posts and I hope you find the right balance for you! Hugs to you.

 
At March 3, 2012 at 7:35 AM , Blogger Leigh Powell Hines (Hines-Sight Blog) said...

Kristin,

I just want to stand up, and applaud you...


clap, clap, clap, and clap. Now, I need to follow your lead a little more. I only post three times a week, and am thinking of just doing twice. I, sometimes think 3 days is too hard. I'm glad you are cutting back because i can't even read your things daily. You posted this on Wednesday, and here is on Saturday morning. I did read your yoga piece though.


I think I've been out of the working world so long that I replaced my blog with some of the things that I did like about work or my past career. I am guilty of pretending that it is a career, too.

I will be following your lead, too.

Leigh

 
At March 4, 2012 at 8:38 AM , Blogger Jen Has A Pen said...

Blogging can be such a double-edged sword. I can assure you EVERYONE goes through this. I haven't necessarily with my blog, but I did with twitter. I realized I was half paying attention to George because I was tweeting. So, I basically stopped. I miss some of the fun and the friendships and the inside jokes that come with it, but in general, my life feels more balanced. You don't ever have to apologize or feel bad for choosing your family first. Ever. Good for you!

 

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