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Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The Luxury of a Nightmare...

Very early Tuesday morning, I awoke in sobs. My heart hurt like it never had before. I just yanked myself from the worst nightmare I had ever had in my entire life.



The nightmare started off as a sweet dream, with warm air surrounding myself, my husband and our two girls. We were at what seemed to be a two story outdoor mall. (I know, pure bliss, right?!)

That is where the sweet dream ended and the nightmare began. All of a sudden my husband was shouting that I needed to get down and pointed to a man in all black pointing a rifle into the crowd. It seemed to be aimed at us. The mass of people at the crowd started to panic and I reached out for my girls as I tried to also get myself out of harm's way.

I couldn't reach them. They seemed to be getting further away from me without evening moving their feet. I could see the sadness in their eyes and I could feel the racing of my heart and panic setting in. I started to scream to my husband that I couldn't get to our girls. I was crying, pleading, pushing through the crowd and calling their names. They were soon just a blur of the colors I had dressed them in. Then, all at once, they were out of my vision.

I screamed the most painful cry. I could feel it in every part of my being. My girls were gone. I couldn't find them. I couldn't do anything but dart through the crowd like a metal ball in a pinball machine in search of these two girls who were made out of the love that Chris and I have for each other.

People, that were my friends in the dream, were helping me cover the property. We were scanning for ponytails with preppy bows. We were listening for cries of distress. That is when my husband came over to me and said to me in tears, "They are gone, Kristen. The man in all black just drove away with them."

I fell to the floor of this outdoor mall that once surrounded me in warm air and felt so cold. I could feel my heart breaking in a million pieces. I was dying from the inside out. 

That is when I forced myself to wake up, to feel the softness of my sheets and remind myself that it was just a nightmare.

That is also when my thoughts went immediately to the pain I was feeling and knowing that it would all go away quickly because I had the luxury of it only being a nightmare. That is also when I took time to tiptoe into my girls' bedrooms and kiss their sweet foreheads and smell their jojoba scented hair.


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17 Comments:

At February 8, 2012 at 9:37 AM , Blogger Robbie K said...

This gave me chills. Nightmares suck.

 
At February 8, 2012 at 9:37 AM , Blogger Gia said...

UGH! I HATE nightmares. I'm glad you could finally force yourself awake! What an awful one to have.

 
At February 8, 2012 at 9:58 AM , Blogger Sara S said...

How awful!

 
At February 8, 2012 at 11:11 AM , Blogger Jax said...

Ug, nightmares can be almost as scary as real life. Usually it's brain trying to tell you something that has nothing to do with you're seeing or feeling.

Either way, I'd be so scared that you wouldn't see me at an outdoor mall for a while!

Feel better!

 
At February 8, 2012 at 11:35 AM , Blogger Tara R. said...

What horrible nightmare, no wonder you were distraught after waking. It's amazing how powerful a dream can be, and the effect it can have. I hope you are feeling better.


(visiting via PYHO)

 
At February 8, 2012 at 12:25 PM , Blogger marie said...

That is the worst. I have been woken up many a time by nightmares, but not lately. The worst was a reverse nightmare I had when our dog was lost. I kept dreaming that we found him and waking up realizing he was still gone. This happened about a dozen times throughout the night. Luckily we got him back 2 days later.

 
At February 8, 2012 at 3:04 PM , Blogger Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

What a blessing to wake up from those bad ones and know they're not real. You really had a doozy. I think I've woken up twice sobbing, and the last time it took me at least a half hour to shake it off and stop crying.

 
At February 8, 2012 at 4:07 PM , Blogger Shell said...

Thank God it was only a dream!

 
At February 8, 2012 at 8:08 PM , Blogger Cherie said...

Why is it we never remember our dreams but nightmares are so vivid?
You remembered so much!

I really hate nightmares like that - they are totally scary and they take a little bit to shake off!

 
At February 8, 2012 at 10:35 PM , Blogger Heather said...

What a horrible nightmare. I had one last week and I just couldn't wake myself out of it. It was horrible!

I hope you have sweet dreams tonight.

 
At February 9, 2012 at 5:13 PM , Blogger Hines-Sight said...

Nightmares are awful.

 
At February 9, 2012 at 6:12 PM , OpenID kvetchmom said...

Well written and oh my goodness so terrifying!!!

 
At February 9, 2012 at 6:15 PM , Blogger Mommy Inconsistent said...

Good God, that is horrible! Just reading that sent chills down my spine 'cuz that is the worst nightmare ever! I would've done the same thing...immediately go to their room...hopefully you got some sleep after that.

 
At February 10, 2012 at 3:05 PM , Blogger Jennifer said...

Those dreams are the total worst. I can never go back to sleep after something like that. I'm too busy pacing the floor to make sure everyone is okay.

 
At February 10, 2012 at 4:38 PM , Anonymous Galit Breen said...

Oh my, that is absolutely the worst! I'm so sorry that happened! :(

 
At February 14, 2012 at 11:28 PM , Blogger Kristen said...

OMG girl! I know I've been late to do some catch up reading - but seriously? It is 11:30 and there is no way I can go to bed now! I was like. right. there. with. you.

No more bad dreams - mmmk?
the other one

 
At February 19, 2012 at 10:46 AM , Blogger Recovering Supermom said...

Oh, my goodness. How frightening. You did an amazing job of making us feel like we were right there with you in the nightmare with the clarity of your details. It's crazy how nightmares like that can feel so real.

 

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