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Wednesday, October 5, 2011

One of Those Days...

I am linking up with Shell at Things I Can't Say today for her Pour Your Heart Out. It's basically a way to share with others what is on your mind and heart and hopefully connect with someone or at least have someone tell you that you are not as alone as you think you are. So, get your glass out, please. I'm about to pour my heart out...

I have so many things to be thankful for in my life. We are all in good health. My husband is employed. My girls go to a wonderful school with outstanding teachers. We have a roof over our heads, food in our fridge and shoes on our feet.

Why is it then that I can still wake up some days and just feel...well, blah for a lack of better words?! Like today!

I resigned from my full time job six months ago and it has really made a difference in my relationship with my husband and my girls and I couldn't be happier about that.

Ash, Chris & Bean enjoying the view

I am lost though. I used to run around like a crazy person trying to cover everything at work, home, the girls' school & sports/social activities. Without work, I have several open hours during the day where I feel like I should be doing more. I feel like I should be bringing in money for our family. I feel like I shouldn't be spending money even though there are day to day expenses that a family has. I feel like I need to point out all of the things I have done around the house each day to my husband as soon as he walks in the door. (He doesn't expect or want that but I have this need to not let him think that I have been sitting on my bum all day).

Why can't I just be happy when I wake up that my husband supports my role as a stay at home mommy? Why can't I realize that I am doing an even more important job as a stay at home mom than I was in my career? Why can't I greet my husband with a kiss at the door instead of a list of what I have done? Why do I need that A+ on the fridge?

Is this just a transition phase that I am going through as I adjust to the role of a stay at home mom? Will I ever think that I am doing enough (whatever that is)? Should I try to find something part time?

So many questions and as time keeps going by, I still have very few answers.

Ugh! Does anyone else feel this way?

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At October 5, 2011 at 2:14 PM , Blogger Erin said...

Hey Kristen,

I definitely think you are not alone. I may not have the same situation as you, but I too am looking for my sense of purpose sometimes. I like to stay busy as you do it sounds like. So with my hours of free time that I may have here and there, I started painting again which I have not done in over a decade. Maybe start a hobby or pick up an old one you may have not had time for before. The other one I have started doing is volunteering. I realized how lucky I am to have what I have in my life and I wanted to give back. So I volunteered with and First Book National Book Bank. Both great organizations that help kids out! These are just some ideas I am throwing your way. Hope it helps.


At October 5, 2011 at 2:51 PM , Blogger Shell said...

It's definitely a huge switch! You'll settle into your role as more time passes, I think!

At October 5, 2011 at 3:10 PM , Blogger story girl said...

I think having huge swatches of unscheduled time is hard for a lot of people. It's especially hard for me. I don't have answers for you about what to do with your time, but I think that as you adjust you'll find your way.

At October 5, 2011 at 4:04 PM , Blogger Kristin @ What She Said said...

I'm a working mom who often wishes she could quit the day job and be a SAHM. I also feel like that role would be far more important than anything I do at my current job. I work because I have to, not necessarily because I want to (geez, I feel lazy just typing that).

But then I wonder if this - what you're experiencing - would be me, too. That need to do more and to validate what's been done.

I don't know... maybe it's just one of those things where the grass will always be greener on the other side.

At October 5, 2011 at 5:23 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

you will fine! your just stuck in the house with all the work your having done.It's one thing to stay home because you want to and another to feel traped. You are such a great mom and at this moment in time it's your big job. Sometimes your so busy you go crazy. You are the at being a mom,wife,and caring daughter. I'm very proud of you and what you've accomplished,job&home.

At October 5, 2011 at 5:47 PM , Anonymous lislawlor said...

I think it is a tough transition and I liked the volunteering idea- I really have fun with that through Cub Scouts and have found a fun group to support without the kids always involved. Stick with it and keep being grateful:) Be kind to yourself and that is great to model for those girls!

At October 5, 2011 at 7:03 PM , Blogger The Preppy Girl in Pink said...

Thank you to everyone who took the time to leave a comment. I have read all of them over and over again.
Basically, I am very lucky to be able to stay at home and believe me...I do love it. I just miss the interaction of being a part of the projects that I was in my career. I'm not saying that I didn't make the right decision to resign. I just get down on myself that I wasn't the type of person who COULD do it all without letting things fall to the wayside. Yes, I put way too much added stress on myself.
I am trying to free up my spare hours in the day with volunteering at the girls' school, tackling projects around the house that there wasn't time for before and making meals instead of ordering them or eating out.
I am hopeful that I will find my way and settle in sooner rather than later but in the meantime, I am sure that I will have both good and bad days. Comments like yours help to snap me out of my funk and make me realize that I am doing what is best for my family right now at this point in our lives.
Thanks again for commenting,

At October 5, 2011 at 9:13 PM , Blogger cyndi said... are not alone! All you do is appreciated(they will tell you when they are adults) are loved (the way your girls look at you can not be denied) are a fantastic role model (to your friends)...the road you have chosen is hard - the glory at the end....priceless!

At October 7, 2011 at 7:28 PM , Blogger Robbie K said...

I can totally relate. I was laid off in May. The time was perfect and I had a wonderful summer with family and friends. Fast forward to fall and 2 of my kids go back to school. Sometimes I wander around aimlessly. I don't know how to not be in overdrive 24/7. I either do it all or don't do anything. I was like this when I was home on maternity leave as well. I am starting to enjoy bits and pieces of it and even developing a very lax routine.

At October 8, 2011 at 11:11 AM , Blogger llawlor said...

I have cut down on the amount of work I am doing this year and making meals is at the top of my list. The boys have been helping and we are all eating better and slowing down better too! We have adjusted to Tim's swim schedule and eat late but sometimes small adjustments work out:) Now to get my walk and exercise into the schedule!


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